The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings.
To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
You ever pull your cardigan closed across your chest with crossed arms and suddenly feel like a sentimental widow stepping out onto her beachfront porch at night, fondly remembering her past lover?
— Den (@daniellechezzy) February 4, 2019
[when my crystal pendant starts glowing eerily] hold on, i’d better take this
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) February 6, 2019
I consider voicemails a personal affront
— carla (@carlawaslike) February 7, 2019
i used to think there was nothing scarier than skateboarding boys, but a gaggle of teenage girls wearing those tiny dua lipa sunglasses just glared at me in starbucks and i nearly burst into tears
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) February 4, 2019
It always cracks me up in movies when a guy buys a girl a puppy as a gift. Like that’s not just an extra couple hundred dollars a month to keep alive.
— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) February 7, 2019
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury…….this is Mambo No. 5
— Left at London is Gay (@LeftAtLondon) February 7, 2019
I am the warrior-queen of Irish exits. “Did Annie leave? I can’t find her.” Damn right you can’t.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) February 2, 2019
I’m “Who is Tekashi 6ix9ine?” years old.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 7, 2019
As a millennial I feel most represented when I see a character on TV who looks tired for no apparent reason
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) February 5, 2019
If clubs played the song Fergalicious…. I would go to clubs.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) February 8, 2019
i just ate an entire box of mac and cheese and i’m drinking $8 wine i’m basically studying abroad in italy
— kelly (@kelllicopter) February 6, 2019
accidentally dressed like timothée chalamet today ugh
— tiffany wines (@radioheadass) February 4, 2019
You don’t need to wait for someone to ask where you got your dress. You can just open with “THIS DRESS WAS ELEVEN DOLLARS AT TARGET.”
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 7, 2019
i am one (1) mental breakdown away from trying stand-up
— anna winter (@___adorn) February 7, 2019
if i don’t get three pieces about natasha lyonne’s fringe by the end of the week, what even is the point of the written word
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) February 4, 2019
Setting iCal reminders for the next three days that I bought an avocado…fool me once, shame on you, fool me every single time, I do this pic.twitter.com/o9RbSri0vP
— Michelle Agresti (@michellevelyna) February 7, 2019
WHY are AMERICAN POST OFFICES HIDDEN like they are a SECRET COVE that an EVIL OCTOPUS does not want HUMAN DIVERS TO FIND
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) February 6, 2019
I love — and I can’t stress this enough — getting attention online
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) February 6, 2019
right now I’m laying on my bed but if you think about it I’m also traveling through space and time which is pretty impressive
— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) February 7, 2019
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